The Sneeze that Changed My Life

The other day I was in the grocery store and from out of nowhere, a sneeze was fast approaching.  I was 2 feet from a half a dozen people.  I didn’t even have time to turn away.  So with no thought of my own well being and no time to think . . . I tried to hold it in.

Ok, let me just say . . . huge mistake.

Let’s look on the bright side first.  No one around me was subjected to airborne germs.  No one around me was forced into saying a polite, “Excuse you.”  No one around me went home with fears of catching a cold.  

As far as I can tell . . . that’s the end of the bright side.

Back to my mistake.

This sneeze wasn’t your ‘run of the mill’ sneeze.  This was the big one!  This was the sneeze that haunts your dreams . . . ok, so that’s a little dramatic.  No one dreams about sneezes.  But if they did - this would be the one that they’d dream of.  This sneeze was colossal.  Or, I guess it would’ve been had I let it see the light of day.

I tried to hold it in and I just about gave myself a concussion.  

Seriously, I saw spots.  How fragile am I that I’m almost assassinated by a surprise sneeze?  It combusted and rattled throughout the interior of my skull for what seemed like minutes.  It was so violent, my shoe came untied.  My watch stopped.  I’m not sure, but I think I felt it remove some memories.  Since the incident I can’t, for the life of me, remember the name of my 2nd grade teacher.  To be honest . . . I don’t remember much before the mid 90s.  I remember Jimmy Carter was president and then . . . BAM . . . Bill Clinton.  I have a vague memory of Dana Carvey doing an impression of George Bush’s dad . . . though I’m not sure what that’s all about.

I can’t help but think about what would have happened if I had just allowed myself the freedom to just . . . release the pressure.  Why worry about it?  Is protecting others worth dying over?  

I once worked with a lady who seemed to have this question answered in a way that brought her peace.  It brought her peace, yet its something that I can’t shake (talk about haunting one’s dreams).

This lady had . . . how should I say this?  She had frequent issues related to escaping gasses.  Did she try to contain her emissions?  Did she worry about what I or others would think?  No she did not.  I repeat, she did not give it a second thought!  She did not try to corral or contain what Mother Nature obviously meant for good.  She did, however, attempt to conduct herself in a kindly manner even in the face of her “situation.”

At every “occurance” she would simply pause, turn, find my eyes and say, “Pardon me.”  In fact, she would wait for as long as she needed until she found my eyes.  Hello, uncomfortable!  “What was my response?”, you may ask.  I don’t remember specifics, but it was as minimal as I could get away with.  I think there was some sort of nod of understanding, but certainly nothing verbal!  Time would pass, (then so would she) and she would say again, “Sorry about that.”  There was no fear.  No worry of judgement.  Just living the life . . . the life of freedom.  In some ways, I admire her.  And in some ways . . . well...

So - what is the moral of this story?

Well, I’ll tell you what it’s not!  It’s not to live the life of freedom.  That’s disgusting!  Seriously!  Come on!

Protect the public!  There could be innocent children about.  Whatever you do . . . keep it internal.  Sure, I’ve got to go to physical therapy after my brain sneeze, but it’s worth it.  Sure, for some reason I now seem to be left handed.  But that’s not what’s important.  Do I crave country music now for some odd reason.  Yes, I do.  But, I believe in some small way . . . I’m a hero.  Those 6 people around me shouldn’t have to be exposed to a sneeze . . . or worse.  I took one for the team.  I took one . . . (pause for impact) . . . for humanity.

What I’m trying to say is . . . I don’t want to be a part of your “Pardon Me” routine.  I’d rather you suffer in silence and me never know there was an “event” - than to look you in the eyes and wait for your apology.  I may be revealing a weakness here, but I can’t handle that.  Not anymore.  Not after what I have seen.  There are some things that you just can’t unsee.  

So let me say to you in advance . . . Bless you and Thanks for being a hero to all of us.

JJ