Most Things in Moderation

                       

  

I’m a pretty reasonable guy - I don’t usually live in the excesses of life.  But there are a few products, however, that bring out the addict in me.  I’m not sure why, its not like these products have a government warning on them.  Because of this, I would assume that they are fairly safe for the general public.  But not for me.

Give me a club cracker or some type of “fancy party” cracker and I’ll choke one down to be polite or to sustain me until the main course.  But put a sleeve of Ritz Crackers in the house . . . and it’s goin’ down.  Seriously, I’m all in.  I don’t know why, but I can’t stop until the sleeve is in the trash.  It’s not that I plan to eat the whole sleeve of crackers . . . it just happens.  I’ll close it up a couple of times, but then . . . crinkle crinkle . . . I’m back in action.  Actually, I’m taking a break to go upstairs and grab some crackers right now.

Ok, I’m back.  I’m eating, but I’m back.

Offer me some cake or pie and I’ll probably politely say “No thank you.”  But . . . you make a pan of brownies and I’ll push the elderly and in firmed out of the way to get at it.  No joke.  And I don’t need anyone to get fancy with ‘em either.  I don’t need ice cream or icing and I certainly don’t want nuts or any other “mix-in”.  Just give me a pan of brownies and I’ll give you a scene that you won’t soon forget.  It’s best if you don’t make eye contact during the action either.  Trust me...just avert your eyes and wait until its over.

Hard Candy?  No thanks.  Candy Bars?  Nope.  Peanut M&Ms?  You have no idea.

Again, let’s not get all cute with ‘em.  Don’t be talking about M&Ms with pretzels or almonds or dark chocolate.  Don’t even get me started on those crispy M&Ms of years ago.  Just the regular ol’ Peanut M&Ms is what drives me out into the darkened corners of my neighborhood in the middle of the night.  Ok, so I’ve not gone out on a “Midnight Buy” in a while, but it’s been done.  Oh...it’s been done.

What’s the deal?  Seriously?  Everything in moderation until the triple threat listed above shows up and the next thing I know I’m staring in an episode of “Intervention.”   “Mom, Dad, Uncle Jerry?  What are you guys doing here?”  

Look, its not like I’m eating ‘Fun Size’ Bars. (See earlier blog post).

I’d love to type more tonight, but . . . I’m finished with those crackers and I’m kind of feeling like some M&Ms.  It’s getting late, but I know just the place.  There is an old warehouse district close to my house.  You walk up to a large metal door and knock loudly, 3 times.  A small peep window is pulled and you say, “Hit me... and make ‘em crazy”  I know what you’re thinking.  “It seems like you’d do anything just for some M&Ms”

You have no idea.

JJ