NO STANDING

I had to drive several hours the other day and, as I drove, I saw dozens and dozens of road signs that seemed to be unnecessary.  I get that there should be signs, but we may be overdoing it in the sign department.

The first that got my attention was a sign near a construction zone that read, “Men Working”.  First of all, I’m not sure this is accurate.  I don’t often see “Men Working”, but perhaps “Men Standing Around” would be more accurate.  Maybe having a sign that reads, “1 Man Working and 3 Men Watching” would be better.  Better still, how about, “Man Holding Flag”?  I think that this would best depict what you’re about to see.

I’d love to see a sign that read, “You’re about to see some abandoned equipment up ahead”.  If sign makers were being truthful, I would’ve seen this sign at least 3 times on this latest trip.

I’m still not sure we need to know all of the details that we’re given.  You don’t have any of these signs around your workplace:  “Attention, Guy Doing Some Filing In Next Room.”  Facebook Certainly, nobody needs this sign as they approach your desk - “Lady Checking Ahead”.  Overdoing it just a bit, I think.

Obviously, I also saw quite a few Speed Limit signs too.  No argument here - these are needed, but I also saw a Speed Minimum Sign.  This one seems unnecessary to me.  I can see someone saying, “Honey, slow down...Don’t speed!”  However, I can’t see a conversation that goes like this, “Watch it honey, there’s a cop!  You better speed up right now!  Seriously, we are going way too slow.  If you don’t take it out of 2nd gear...we’re are totally gonna get busted!”  Seems weird, right?

The last sign I’ll mention is a sign that I saw while I was walking downtown the other day.  This sign read, “NO STANDING”.  What??!  ‘No Standing’?  How am I supposed to walk down the sidewalk and not stand?  I twisted and contorted my body just trying to obey the law.  I certainly don’t need to go to prison for breaking this insignificant law.  That would be wildly embarrassing.  

Prison Cell Mate: “Hey, what are you in for?”                                                                               Me: “Standing.”                                                                                                                             Prison Cell Mate: “I’m going to kill you now.”                                                                                Me: “I know.”

As you can see, some signs are inaccurate, some are unnecessary and still others are just plain confusing (not to mention, dangerous).

I’m glad there are sings, but I’m not sure I have enough legal expertise to understand what they all mean.

Thanks for reading.  Have a great day and. . . stand wherever you want to, just because you can!

JJ

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is right around the corner.  In fact, it may be even closer than that...Thanksgiving is only 3 days away and I’m ready for it. 

Much is made of Thanksgiving these days.  We hear people talking about being thankful.  We hear talk of turkey and dressing.  We are inundated with Holiday talk as this day officially ushers the Christmas season into our midst.  There is no way around it, Thanksgiving is fun.

We are often reminded of the Pilgrims during these days.  We are reminded how they bravely set out toward a new world in search of freedom.  We are told how difficult life was in the early years as they were faced with many hardships.  As I have been thinking about the Pilgrims, it has brought to mind a few thoughts.   

My Top 10 Thoughts About Pilgrims And The 1st Thanksgiving

10.  If Pilgrims were here today...they’d be crazy old.  

  9.  If Pilgrims were here today...I think they’d be disappointed at how poorly their hats with buckles would be received.

  8.  I bet the Pilgrims were just as annoyed by the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade as we are.

  7.  Some people think that the Pilgrims watched football after dinner.  That’s ridiculous!  They totally watched soccer.  #England

  6.  I bet it was pretty awkward for the Pilgrim if the person answering the Turkey hot line was in England.

  5.  The wisest and most successful Pilgrims came to dinner wearing stretchy pants.

  4.  It’s a true, but little known fact that for the 1st Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims ate at a Denny’s, just South of Plymouth Rock.

  3.  It wasn’t until nearly 200 years after the 1st Thanksgiving that the custom of bathing at some point during Thanksgiving week became commonplace.

  2.  We can officially blame Pilgrim John Howland for the introduction of the “Kids Table” at Thanksgiving dinner.  

And My Number One Thought About Pilgrims And The 1st Thanksgiving Is...

After dinner, the elder Pilgrims fell asleep and drooled in their easy chairs while the younger Pilgrims texted each other on their iPhones.

I’m thankful for the time you spend reading my thoughts.  If you've enjoyed your reading, I’d really be thankful if you’d repost or retweet this Thanksgiving blog. 

Hope you’ve enjoyed...and I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

JJ

The Anatomy of Flight

I flew today.

Don't get too excited, I was actually just a passenger on an airplane while the pilot did most of the actual flying. Being on the plane did give me an opportunity to think about the culture that exists on airplanes though.

Like it or not, if you travel alone, you are forced into a relationship with fellow travelers. This can be a positive experience or it could be....have you ever seen the movie "Planes Trains and Automobiles"? It could be nightmarish.

I've noticed three types of "relationships" that develop in the aluminum tube in the sky. (excuse the flying lingo) You'll usually get one of these options...

1. The "I'm gonna pretend you're not here" guy. This is the guy who does everything he can to ignore you while sending a message that he is just way too preoccupied to engage in meaningless conversation. This is usually accomplished by giving you no eye contact. He will also make a big show of his headphones, his book or his uncontrollable sleepiness.

I once saw a guy that ate a footling sub sandwich and added a half a pack of mayo for each bite...just to ensure that he wasn't bothered. Believe me...I didn't want to interrupt. I wanted to die, but I certainly wasn't gonna start a conversation. Maybe slip him my cardiologist's card, but no conversation. For you, this is a solitary flight...but that's ok. It could be worse...much worse.

The second option will make you long for the complexity and uncomfortableness of the first.

2. This is the "Impromptu counseling session" guy.

This is the guy who is actually already talking to you as he sets down. He basically says, "I'm gonna use the next 3 hours to tell you all of my worries." Then, beginning with his earliest memories, he leans on you for comfort and wise counsel. His childhood was troubled. His dad had the Jimmy legs and his mom had 11 toes. Life has been tough and his gambling addiction sure hasn't done him any favors. He plays the ponies and he can just feel that his luck is about to change...

Just as you are thinking that it couldn't get any worse...it happens...he becomes the counselor/investigator. You are the client/suspect and all attention is now on you. He reaches up and turns the overhead spotlight on and begins his interrogation. "Where are you going?", he asks. The light is burning and you feel like this guy's seen too many episodes of Law and Order. "What are you passionate about?" "Tell me about your dreams", he says with a little too much excitement. I'll tell you what you're dreaming about, right now you're dreaming of moving to that open seat in row 14.

And now we come to the third and final traveling companion...

3. This is the "Landing Gear Buddy".

This is the most complex guy.. For the first two hours and fifty minutes he looks like guy #1...avoiding eye contact, fiddling with the iPod, reading, sleeping...the whole deal..

But then, just as the landing gear drops, he springs into action. He turns to you...excited and ready to talk ... and more importantly, ready to hear from you. "Here on business?" "Hope you don't have a long drive once we land."

This guy's so normal....too bad the flight's almost over. You could almost see yourself hangin' out with this guy. This guy is the most complex, but he's also the most normal.

He's been afraid that you were guy #2 all of this time and was afraid to engage you in any conversation. What if he'd opened up the conversation at take off and then would've been forced to listen to your story about that time your cousin Carl forgot your birthday.

Once the landing gear is down, however...he knows that the clock is ticking. He's in the safety zone known as "final approach." It'd be rude not to say anything.

I like this guy. I appreciate this guy. I am this guy.

Here's to traveling with new "friends." Here's to sitting next to guy number 3. More importantly...here's to you NOT being guy #2.

JJ

Clock Confusion

Daylight Savings Time has always been a difficult concept for me.  How is it that we have such power that we can just get together and say, “Ok, people...it is now 4:15.”  It’s a cool idea, but just not one that I fully grasp.

Having now admitted my intellectual limitations - I need to share a recent experience with Daylight Savings Time.  Actually, it was the cessation of Daylight Savings Time this past weekend that brought about an issue for me.  Side note:  I so miss Daylight Savings Time.  I desperately hate it getting dark before I finish eating lunch!

According to the “powers that be”, Daylight Savings Time literally ended at 2am on Sunday morning.  Now, I’m not one to buck the system or choose to skate by on minimal effort.  For those of you who know me, you’ll agree that I’m nothing, if not a purist.  Being ever the purist...I felt that I needed to closely adhere to what the experts were instructing of us followers.

The plan was set and I must admit - it was foolproof...or so I thought.  I set my alarm for 2 am.  My plan was to wake up and back my clock up to 1 so that I would erase any opportunity for failure or disaster.  What I hadn’t planned on was how sleepy and unthinking I am at 2 am.

Most of this is foggy, but this is what I believe happened in the early hours of Sunday morning.

2 am - Alarm goes off.  I jump up and somehow remember to set my clock to the appropriate hour.

1:01 am - I am asleep.

Unfortunately, in my sleepiness, I forgot to unset my alarm.

2 am - Alarm goes off...again.  I jump up and somehow remember to set my clock to 1 am, but I forgot that I had already done this once before.  I also forgot turn the alarm off.

1:01 am - I am asleep.

2 am - Alarm goes off...again.

You see my dilemma.  I’m basically living my own little version of Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day”

1st of all, let me say that all I was trying to do was to hold closely to the standard set forth by our great nation.  2nd...I’m a nice person - don’t judge.  3rd...I’ve realized that I’m really kind of out of it in the middle of the night.  I once rocked a throw pillow for an hour when I thought I was rocking my infant daughter back to sleep.  It was a special time for me and that little pillow.

Well - on this little routine went for a great number of hours.  I’m a little bit embarrassed to tell you how long it actually lasted, but let me just say...I missed a number of appointments on Sunday morning and then on into the afternoon.  On another note - you wouldn’t believe how well rested I am right now.

Here’s to Daylight Savings time.  Here’s to it getting dark way to early.  Here’s to being a purist...and an idiot.

JJ