The Anatomy of Flight

I flew today.

Don't get too excited, I was actually just a passenger on an airplane while the pilot did most of the actual flying. Being on the plane did give me an opportunity to think about the culture that exists on airplanes though.

Like it or not, if you travel alone, you are forced into a relationship with fellow travelers. This can be a positive experience or it could be....have you ever seen the movie "Planes Trains and Automobiles"? It could be nightmarish.

I've noticed three types of "relationships" that develop in the aluminum tube in the sky. (excuse the flying lingo) You'll usually get one of these options...

1. The "I'm gonna pretend you're not here" guy. This is the guy who does everything he can to ignore you while sending a message that he is just way too preoccupied to engage in meaningless conversation. This is usually accomplished by giving you no eye contact. He will also make a big show of his headphones, his book or his uncontrollable sleepiness.

I once saw a guy that ate a footling sub sandwich and added a half a pack of mayo for each bite...just to ensure that he wasn't bothered. Believe me...I didn't want to interrupt. I wanted to die, but I certainly wasn't gonna start a conversation. Maybe slip him my cardiologist's card, but no conversation. For you, this is a solitary flight...but that's ok. It could be worse...much worse.

The second option will make you long for the complexity and uncomfortableness of the first.

2. This is the "Impromptu counseling session" guy.

This is the guy who is actually already talking to you as he sets down. He basically says, "I'm gonna use the next 3 hours to tell you all of my worries." Then, beginning with his earliest memories, he leans on you for comfort and wise counsel. His childhood was troubled. His dad had the Jimmy legs and his mom had 11 toes. Life has been tough and his gambling addiction sure hasn't done him any favors. He plays the ponies and he can just feel that his luck is about to change...

Just as you are thinking that it couldn't get any worse...it happens...he becomes the counselor/investigator. You are the client/suspect and all attention is now on you. He reaches up and turns the overhead spotlight on and begins his interrogation. "Where are you going?", he asks. The light is burning and you feel like this guy's seen too many episodes of Law and Order. "What are you passionate about?" "Tell me about your dreams", he says with a little too much excitement. I'll tell you what you're dreaming about, right now you're dreaming of moving to that open seat in row 14.

And now we come to the third and final traveling companion...

3. This is the "Landing Gear Buddy".

This is the most complex guy.. For the first two hours and fifty minutes he looks like guy #1...avoiding eye contact, fiddling with the iPod, reading, sleeping...the whole deal..

But then, just as the landing gear drops, he springs into action. He turns to you...excited and ready to talk ... and more importantly, ready to hear from you. "Here on business?" "Hope you don't have a long drive once we land."

This guy's so normal....too bad the flight's almost over. You could almost see yourself hangin' out with this guy. This guy is the most complex, but he's also the most normal.

He's been afraid that you were guy #2 all of this time and was afraid to engage you in any conversation. What if he'd opened up the conversation at take off and then would've been forced to listen to your story about that time your cousin Carl forgot your birthday.

Once the landing gear is down, however...he knows that the clock is ticking. He's in the safety zone known as "final approach." It'd be rude not to say anything.

I like this guy. I appreciate this guy. I am this guy.

Here's to traveling with new "friends." Here's to sitting next to guy number 3. More importantly...here's to you NOT being guy #2.

JJ