You Should Have Thought About Eating Fruit Before Now

Some people are embarrassed by having to buy toilet paper at the grocery store.  That’s really no big deal though, because everyone has to go to the bathroom.  Right?  However, I recently had to buy a plunger . . . and that’s a very, very different story.

Talk about feeling like a freak!

I can’t even describe the kind of looks I received from my fellow shoppers!  I could almost hear people as they passed by, “What does that guy eat?”...”He looks like he needs a plunger.”  “Look, he’s wearing a wedding ring . . . His poor wife!”  

Mothers were shielding their children.  Men wouldn’t look me in the eyes.  

It was a lonely existence.

With these kinds of thoughts being thrown around, I couldn’t exactly just walk in a buy a plunger and leave.  If I just bought it and left - it would look like I was in the middle of a crisis at home.  I didn’t want that. 

I felt like I had to buy “extra stuff” or else explain myself to the person at the checkout counter.  I’m not going to the counter and saying, “Um, yeah...There’s this flu type thing going around...”  That would make it worse, right?  I couldn’t ignore it either though - I can’t just go to the counter and say, “Crazy weather we’re havin’ huh?”  

So I opted for the “extra stuff” approach.

This decision, however, presented an additional problem.  I had to be careful not to purchase anything that would add to the already growing discussions among my fellow patrons.  These “extra” items had to be benign.  But what?  What could I purchase that would carry me out of the freak zone?

First off - Any type of cheese is out.  That’s too much of a conversation piece.  Actually, once I thought about it...the decision was made:  No dairy at all.  

Fruit would be a good choice, but I felt that would be overkill.  If I were to buy a plunger and a cart full of fruit - I could just hear the response, “O, seriously guy? - you should have thought about eating fruit before now!  That’s not going to help you.”  

Same thing for anything with fiber in it.  Come on, you know that would be rough!

I couldn’t buy any junk food either because that would just reinforce my new status as “disgusting guy” in ailse 4.  In fact, by this point, I was so overwhelmed with all of the potential judgement - I decided not to buy any food at all.  It all seemed inappropriate.

So, with my newfound clarity, I marched over to the “home supplies” ailse.  This was actually back where I started my shopping experience.  “We can always use cleaning supplies,” I reasoned.  So. . . I bought some clorox, a few towels and a mop.

People still looked at me like I was weird, but I think I got out of there with my dignity.

Wait a minute . . . clorox, towels and a . . . Oh no!  

Well, looks like I won’t be going back to that store again.

JJ