Walgreens

I was just at Walgreens Pharmacy picking up a prescription for my daughter.  As I’m walking down one of the aisles heading to the back of the store I saw a lady taking something off of one of the shelves.  For some reason, the item that she was taking was under an enclosed plastic door.  She raised the little plastic door to retrieve her item and a small alarm sounded.  This alarm sounded, just as I was approaching the lady.  She looked at me in horror and I felt that I needed to say something.  My intent was to ease her worries.  Unfortunately, I don’t think that I accomplished my goal.  

I’m not sure why, but this came out:  “Yikes, that could be embarrassing!”  

“That could be embarrassing!”??  What was I thinking?  I actually said this to the mortified lady.  I continued walking and then turned to see what it was that the lady was taking and it happened to be diarrhea medication.  Was she embarrassed?  Probably.  Was I a moron?  Definitely.  Why was there an alarm on a laxative though?  Why would the store want an alarm to sound for this item?  As if the person wouldn’t be tentative enough purchasing diarrhea meds.  Why not just have the manager come over the intercom and introduce the lady as she reaches in for her desperately needed (and private) item?

“Attention customers...You’re not going to believe what this lady is buying in aisle 6!  Stand clear shoppers, stand clear!”

The moral of this story is:  “Sometimes, the last thing you need is for someone to be a jerk to you when you really just need to go to the bathroom.”

Unfortunately, this wasn’t my only experience of the day.  Thankfully, for the other customers though, my other experiences were all internal.  I must say that I was a bit surprised by some of the items that were on the shelves.  None of these “Surprising” items had alarms attached to them though.

Everyone knows that you can get most anything at these “one stop” shops.  Magazines, snacks, deodorant and makeup are mainstays.  Some of the additional items that are carried are a bit different than the mainstays and have caught me a bit off guard.

Did you know that you can get “At-home” drug tests at Walgreens?  Really.  They boldly proclaim on their packaging that it is 99.9% accurate at revealing Cocaine use.  Awesome.  Is this really such a problem that it needs to be stocked by Walgreens?  We’re not talking prescription or court ordered...it’s just there on the shelf next to the Windex.

“Billy, come to the dining room table...mom and I’ve got a test we want you to take.”

You can buy large “Surgical Dressing Pads” here too.  I’ve removed the occasional splinter or two, but I’ve never done something at home that needed surgical dressings.  These things look like they will take care of wounds related to your garden variety knife fight or bungee jumping accident.  Who needs to go to the Emergency Room when you can just pick up your own surgical dressing?  Maybe this is what “Universal Healthcare” means . . . Universally, you can get any thing you need for your health care at Walgreens.

“The next thing I knew, Carl’s arm was layin’ on the ground...good thing a Walgreens was nearby!  We really dodged a bullet by getting those surgical dressings so quickly!”

Ok, here is the biggie!  At Home DNA Paternity Tests!  What?!  I felt like I was on an episode of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” or “Maury Povich”.  I can hear day time talk shows crying at the mass availability of such tests!  Talk about a time for an alarm!  Who’s your daddy?

I can just see someone trying to yank out a lock of their taxi driver’s hair.  “Sorry about that...I’ll keep you updated on the results though....Dad.”  Awkward.

Who knew that just a little trip to the store would reveal so much?  Evidently, I’m capable of naturally stepping on someone when they’re down and I can find out who my dad is, drug test him and repair a massive flesh wound all in one trip.

Thanks Walgreens, for being available for our society’s every freakish need.